I am at uni, surfing through the Summer fashion pages to get me a little pumped for the upcoming season of joyness. Though there are many waiting in line for the computers, you are my priority kids! Check out my thumbelina dress I purchased about a year ago from ModCloth. Cute, huh? I kind of never want to let her go.  

Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham was seen flaunting a $6000 pair straight off the Spring ‘08 catwalk in NYC, but designer Antonio Berardi pushed them no further. And now the ankle-breaking heelless platforms are back, after Lady Gaga was captured sporting a-pair-a-week in June this year, sparking rumours that the “Poker Face” super-starlet plans to stock the pumps in her upcoming clothing line (along with patent leather onesies and spectacular head pieces) backed by Donatella Versace.

The fashionista certainly has boasted some bizarre pieces of art, a Kermit the Frog inspired ensemble and a Bird’s Nest Head to name a couple, and among various outfits on the night, she recently accepted a 2010 VMA award in a Franc Fernandez gown made entirely of dead cow. But is the European market ready for these bottomless cockroach-killers? Not only do they look painfully difficult to strut in, but the handful of pairs ever to have been made reside in the thousand-dollar price range, usually stamped with only the high-and-mighty names in fashion – Berardi, Natacha Morro, Nina Ricci.

And if you have ever worn a pair of Jeffrey Campbell barstools you will know how important the balls of your feet are to support your weight when wearing any foot-accessory over 4’. And even that takes some degree of skill when struggling to climb a flight of stairs without collapsing and fracturing significant boneage.

We have seen a number of curious names and trends penetrate the conventional 90s market and, in Lady Gaga’s case, shock those who actually wear pants. For example, who would have thought that teeth – bones that function primarily to chew solid consumables – would need be dressed in jewellery that ironically makes this task harder to achieve? But “grills” have done just that, taking a solid gold form in the mouths of hip-hop artists like 50 Cent – pricing at up to $50,000 US per set.

And although it is just a matter of time until the shoes make their way into the wardrobe of twelve-going-on-to-thirty year old Miley Cyrus, you too might want to purchase a pair as a memento to later remind you of the damaging and costly lengths women once took to stay fresh. So if you want to keep up with the cult of alternative Gaga fashion, you may wish to go back to Fashion Prep and learn how to walk all over again in these surely interesting, sky-high developments.